Amarillo……

kerin rose, sunflower

kerin rose, Maria and Erik's farm

kerin rose, sunflowerkerin rose, Maria , Mulleinkerin rose, mulleinkerin rose, sunflowers

I have to come clean here…I had this ‘sunny’ little post all planned out …and then…it turned into ‘one of those days’…( if I knew more about astrology, maybe I would have found out something was in serious retrograde or something…)

Just part of  ‘the list’…

I realized the hours I spent canning yesterday were wasted because I neglected to put lemon juice in the mix of the AMAZING ( and now in the compost) tomatillo salsa I made…harvest+all that work=in the compost bin…when I had this ah-ha, I quickly emailed a friend in the hopes it would be ok, but no dice….waaaahhh!

-I went to the dentist ( big reconstruction project in process) things are progressing ok and  no, I don’t have any cavities, but a bunch of my fillings need a makeover…my little teeth are my achilles heel, and I have lived half my life in dentist chairs, but the $ this stuff involves…well, lets just say its shitty timing…

-I ran into a friend w/ whom I had an awkward and ugly breakup ( and have not seen since) at the co-op ….she had her mom w/ her…so this time it was awkward and weird…lets just say it made me realize there is some unfinished bitty stuff ( really more about me needing to be a grownup and not be unhappy that others are unhappy w/ my decisions and choices)….but it still gave me a stomach ache  for a bit…

-on the way home, the car in front of me hit a motorcyclist. ( It appeared) the rider was ok, and everyone, including the driver handled it in a stellar fashion, cell phones were whipped out and emergency personnel were on the scene in moments…but I was trapped due to the angle of my vehicle and they did not let me out to go home till they investigated and moved some other cars….I am just so damn visual, I could not get the image of the collision and that man flying up into the air ( a BIG  man) and flopping like a doll in the  middle of the road out of my mind….

So, there you have it….sometimes in ‘blogland’ it is easy to come across so much more ‘together’ than one might  be…beautiful photos, well composed thoughts…I think I tend to use my blog to reinforce my own sense of gratitude about many of the things in my life….in truth, the beauty of life is that it can be  messy, good or bad…we have days where things might be not so messy, but they add up and can  feel big and messy on the inside…to me, that messy feeling  is  a sign that life is asking  me to grow……..tonite I had cinnamon toast ( which is what my mom gave me as a kid when I was feeling bad)  and  a thick, deep red wine for dinner, while I watched Perez Hilton follow the fabulous Lady Gaga around Australia. Not exactly highbrow but definitely fun!I don’t ‘dip’ much into popular culture (except for anything featuring vampires!) but as an artist, its good to know what’s going on ‘out there’…. she seems like a super-kind person. :)…I think I will work on my personal growth TOMORROW :)….

I hope you still love me….:)

Footnote:

Beautiful farm, courtesy of my friends Maria and Erik….Maria calls the sunflowers that appear interspersed in her extensive vegetable and herb garden ‘orphans’ ( not sure if this is a real technical term, or Maria-speak, but she did not plant any of these!)  instead of pulling them out she uses them to her advantage, planting more shade loving things at the base of their ‘feet’…..Maria and my sister keep their bees nearby ( yes, the Queen Bee has retired!) and our flying friends could not have a more diversified or perfect haven to do their thing!…. I do find deep solace in nature….I don’t know what I did or how I did it when I was a ‘city girl’…I can’t  remember…I think I used to run away to the art museum….

 

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7 Comments

  1. that’s how i have felt lately: nothing going right and i have said *that* to many people:
    “i hope you still love me.”

    i still love you.
    all is as it should be.

    xx

  2. I had to chuckle a little bit…sounds like my days : )

    I have had to postpone self improvement too…

    Those sunflowers are incredible….I would want to sit and just stare at them.

    xx

  3. Ouph. Can I just say that I feel you my sister? Blog transparency is such an interesting thing; life is so much more than the happy-pretty, but at the same time, I think it’s important to honor where we are and the level of safety we feel in “putting it out there.” And in this, I do believe you are being honest. All my heart today K,
    – U

  4. i like a blog that has layers. life is full of both good and bad but reading just all the good is great but deep down we know nothing is completely sunny and shiny all the time. these raw and open posts are the ones i seem to like and respond to the most.

  5. Ah the conundrum of blogging the things that suck as well as the beauties….I keep thinking I’ll write this huge post about the subject and then my feelings do a 180…it’s the darndest thing.

    Right now I’m into the idea of self-protection more than sharing, but two months ago I thought sharing was best. Yeesh!

    Sending you strength for the moments that suck
    and high-fives for the good ones:

    isn’t that the best thing we can all do for one another???

    Love,
    A

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