The horizon…..

kelly clark, umberdove

 kelly clark, umberdove

The Buddha compared the universe to a vast net woven of a countless variety of brilliant jewels, each with a countless number of facets. Each jewel reflects itself in every other jewel in the net, and is in fact, one with every other jewel. 

 Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

A friend wrote this week wondering where I have been. I suppose I will preface my answer by letting you know that I am one of those ‘types’ that withdraws when I am processing something that feels rather large. My father passed at the end of January. It was a long and arduous passing that was truly reflective of the duration of my relationship with him. People in their endless compassion can be quick to offer condolences, for which I have gratitude, but in truth, in many ways this was a release…..and a paradigm shift for me, and there is much that I am sure I am going to be processing for a long time.  I was not the child that my father wanted. All of  his ‘want’ and disappointment was never far from his side in this life. I will suffice to say that it manifested in ways that were not pretty and most definitely not kind.

What I witnessed, in the moment of cessation of his breath, is  that the body can no longer hold on to whatever one’s monkey mind is choosing to hold. Negative thought, beliefs  and feelings so long nurtured,what seemed so deeply important to him, floated off, and disappeared. I will not say that he became peaceful..yet I saw that energy instantly carried away by the benevolent wind of universal truth. Really released. Gone in an instant.

The Buddha believed in the mutual interdependence between the individual and the environment. Really, of all things. We need to think about the tiny drop of venom we might unwittingly spew into someone else’s life…they are us, and we are them. 

So what I think I know for sure is this….no matter what, no matter what anyone tells you you are, or are not,  or  you are supposed to be or could be….the defining  factor remains  that your  beautiful soul and essence belongs to something so much larger than the  corporeal. What we cling to so tightly in terms of our ‘definitions’ truly does not matter in the end. When your heart hurts, when your spirit feels broken, when  feel you are not being  seen, do not look for truth in the individual who is refusing to ‘see’ you… cast your feelings back out to that which is so much bigger than that individual whose ‘agenda’ and belief system does not include your goodness and light.

Instead, cast it out to the bejeweled net.

it will hold you,

it will reflect your

glittering beauty, 

so you can see

the truth

and the light

that we all are made of.

What matters in your life is not the particulars. What matters is being one with every other jewel. 

I see you and you see me.

Namaste, and a deep bow of gratitude, with love,

K

(perfect watercolour painting by my lovely friend Kelly Clark !)

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4 Comments

  1. I am sorry that you had to go through so much and yet, I am not, because all those things have added to your beauty. Love your writings. Peace be with you dear friend. xoxo

  2. Kerin……I knew you when you were just a ‘little girl’…..you had quite a mature look and an impish smile about you…….Your comments regarding your dad’s departure from this earth is very very deep…..I sincerely wish for you to find peace within and to heal !
    You have grown into an incredibly amazing individual…….I gather pride when I see your most beautiful creations, and am grateful to receive these via e-mail. Much love/hugs to you, your sister and your mother……(‘my Pessel’)

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